I had my box picked out and The Creepy One’s credit card number ready to go, so I contacted UPS’s web site and filled out the order form. All went smoothly until I was prompted to enter a password. How was I to know TCO’s password isn’t “meow”? Looks like I’m stuck until New Mommy comes to pick me up. I’ll just sit here and hold my breath.
In the meantime, last night was movie night. TCO’s Movie Buddy dropped by and they attempted to watch a trio of movies, none of which had any artistic merit because they had no Japanese women killing people in various states of undress. MB brought his office Xmas present, a bottle of Crown Royal, and the two proceeded to sample every type of whiskey in TCO’s booze library (six different brands counting the offering) while nibbling Slim Jims in between shots to cleanse their palates. It was a wonderful idea, both last night and the Saturday before last when my former mommy gave it a whirl. The results were similar – TCO seemed to enjoy himself, and the other person power barfed. MB wins in this category – he passed out by eight, was puking before midnight, and still looked like the living dead this morning after nearly eleven hours of sleep. He also wins for sheer force, both in vocals and velocity. I thought I heard some serious splashback, and I was right. TCO got up early this morning (not my fault – I swear), saw MB off after giving him some expired milk, and spent some of his nappy-time cleaning vomit off the toilet, including (I’m not kidding) the top of the tank. Good thing, too. That mess was right next to my litter box. Disgusting.
Note – some people half-jokingly call TCO an alcoholic even though he doesn’t drink every night and never drinks to the point where he’s sick or where it impacts the rest of his life. I don’t understand. Silly humans.
In the meantime, I’m resigning myself to this hellish lifestyle. After getting off work, TCO repeatedly played “Wake the cat lump” before MB arrived. Unable to get eighteen hours of sleep during the day, I was only able to wake him a few times during the night. I tried licking the soft skin in the crook of his elbow repeatedly, but he won’t bleed. Seeing as how I’ve been abandoned forever and my newly adopted mommy isn’t showing much love, I’d better learn to make the best of this, my new home.
But if I ever figure out his passwords, he’ll be doomed. I plan to put him in permanent debt for not loving me 24/7. Leave a comment and I’ll buy you a Lexus.
9 comments:
Chian, mommy wants a BMW, not a Lexus. Can you manage that? And do me a favor...we don't talk about whiskey anymore around mommy. However, I'd like to proudly state that I held my liquor better and longer than MB did. And he's much bigger. And I didn't pass out! I kept on going! I win. I realize that TCO actually beat all of us, but that's another issue.
I think Grant has found the solution to your middle of the night prowling: bother you during the day and wear you out. That sounds like an excellent plan. It will also make you too tired to box yourself up, too ;)
Kira: When are you going to rescue this poor kittycat? My heart just bleeds for Chian, stuck in (I think) Atlanta, for God's sake (where's Sherman when you need him) with TCO. Who would do that to a poor defenseless kitty?
I would do that to a poor, defenseless kitty, FW! Chian may complain about TCO sometimes, but believe me, he's more miserable when he's boarded. He was recently boarded during his irradiation treatment, too, so going back to the vet's to be boarded would have really traumatized him. I have friends in the area who would help me out, but the ones who could are on vacation too during this time. Then I have friends like Amanda who have dogs who would eat my cat. We go to fetch him on Saturday, though. Tomorrow we go from Raleigh to home, and then the ex gets the kids for the weekend. We then head out on Sat. to Atlanta to pester Grant some more and fetch the cat.
Kira - you abandoned me, so you get - kitty vomit. I'm saving it for your return. I know where TCO keeps the booze.
Foilwoman - yeah, you tell her! This is pure torture.
Kira (again) - see you Saturday. I've got a hairball with your name on it.
Am I too late to claim the Lexus? I appreciate your generosity, Chian.
nwjr - I'm afraid I already bought one of the beluga whales from the Georgia Aquarium and it maxed out his card. What a cheapskate. He should be able to buy me at least two whales. Some people are just not proper cat people.
"Wake the cat lump"? I thought it was "Stop The Cat Box." :)
Hey, does new mommy know about her upcoming change in status, or is she just some random Asian female? You'd think she'd post about her happiness in becoming your new slave I mean mommy.
Joe - new mommy knows, and yet seems less than thrilled about her new owner. Drop by her blog and convince her that it's all for the best, especially if she is able to feed and pet me 38 hours a day.
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